Newly Elected Pope Makes Controversial Pizza Decision

In an unexpected move, Chicago native Robert Prevost, newly appointed to the papal peak, will institute deep dish pizza as the official food of Vatican City. This shift is expected to be met with hostility, as the vast majority of the Holy See favors the thinner regional style.

One high-ranking official, who wished to remain anonymous, fiercely declared the transition as a “sacrilege beyond belief”. He went on to describe the new cuisine as “a shitty dry bread bowl filled with cheese soup” and wished the new Catholic head of state had been raised in New York.




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